I think my #2 is a legitimate problem, which you echoed re: professional careers. Am I enforcing that? No, but I'm contributing to not changing it in a way.

I still contend that #3 is only valid inasmuch as it's actually #2 - that is, if heels-wearing is something women are supposed/assumed to do. The sexy/not sexy thing ultimately seems to come down to us thinking (as a culture) that the "ideal" of feminine/masculine is what's sexy. So, it's more about the ideal than it is about the male gaze, is all I'm saying.