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On one of the lists I belong to, there's been some really interesting discussion about people's stances on body modification. I find most surgical body modification problematic. I wouldn't insist that others not get surgery to change the way their appearance, but it feels to me that plastic (even reconstructive) surgery, weightloss surgery and sex-reassignment are all ways in which we force the body to conform to cultural norms (duality of gender, fat is evil, there's only one kind of beautiful).
That doesn't mean I condemn individuals for making these choices. I just think the choices can (like all individual choices) add up to reinforcing those norms. But if the decision is to do that, or to live in a world that sends messages about your failure to fit 24/7... I can't fault someone for not being a Warrior of the New Culture or whatever, you know? It's hard just to be sorta fat, just to be a woman, just to be queer - it has to be much harder for your body to be seen by the culture (of which you are part) as a symbol of your Fundamental Wrongness.
I usually just shut up about this, because we're talking about choices that don't feel remotely optional to the people who make them. That's not them failing - it's a culture failing them; it's all of us believing that sex=gender or fat=agony. This is obvious to most of us when we talk about SRS or reconstructive surgery after cancer or something, but we're much more likely to criticise individuals for wanting "younger looking skin" or something else we consider shallow. The culture's not where it needs to go yet, and individuals are in different places along the way. So I can only criticise the culture, not the people wading through it.
I'm feeling optimistic today. This weekend I was watching television and realized that I found Tom Cruise oddly hot. I have a long history of being completely turned off by the buffly athletic hero body type. I like curvy and soft and wiry and gaunt, you know? [Not all together, silly!] But I've come to find buffness attractive as my partner has become more and more buff.
And I'm thinking the culture changes like that, too. The more each of us come to know a wider range of bodies, the more acceptable those bodies will be. It's started already, all over. That's why there's so much furor over "real beauty" and the Obesity Crisis, Egads! - because that change will slowly and fundamentally alter the nature of the way things and ideas get sold.
Yeah. I'm feeling optimistic.
That doesn't mean I condemn individuals for making these choices. I just think the choices can (like all individual choices) add up to reinforcing those norms. But if the decision is to do that, or to live in a world that sends messages about your failure to fit 24/7... I can't fault someone for not being a Warrior of the New Culture or whatever, you know? It's hard just to be sorta fat, just to be a woman, just to be queer - it has to be much harder for your body to be seen by the culture (of which you are part) as a symbol of your Fundamental Wrongness.
I usually just shut up about this, because we're talking about choices that don't feel remotely optional to the people who make them. That's not them failing - it's a culture failing them; it's all of us believing that sex=gender or fat=agony. This is obvious to most of us when we talk about SRS or reconstructive surgery after cancer or something, but we're much more likely to criticise individuals for wanting "younger looking skin" or something else we consider shallow. The culture's not where it needs to go yet, and individuals are in different places along the way. So I can only criticise the culture, not the people wading through it.
I'm feeling optimistic today. This weekend I was watching television and realized that I found Tom Cruise oddly hot. I have a long history of being completely turned off by the buffly athletic hero body type. I like curvy and soft and wiry and gaunt, you know? [Not all together, silly!] But I've come to find buffness attractive as my partner has become more and more buff.
And I'm thinking the culture changes like that, too. The more each of us come to know a wider range of bodies, the more acceptable those bodies will be. It's started already, all over. That's why there's so much furor over "real beauty" and the Obesity Crisis, Egads! - because that change will slowly and fundamentally alter the nature of the way things and ideas get sold.
Yeah. I'm feeling optimistic.
Re: if you're still interested by this conversation...
I have a more general question for you, though - why are you silent about others' so-called choices? I hear you say, not infrequently, that you don't usually speak up about feministy stuff. I'm not saying that's always true (given how outspoken' you tend to be on LJ, for instance), but I'm curious why you're quiet [or believe you are].
Re: if you're still interested by this conversation...
In face to face interpersonal relationships, though, I am often not willing to harsh on someone's groove when there is no indication that my input is wanted. When we are talking about personal choice, I often fear confrontation, and worry that the way I put things will sound like a personal judgement or insult rather than discussing the implications of someone's actions. Also, I want people to like me. Really badly. In fact, I am having a ridiculous panic that no one will come to my New Year's party because they have finally decided I am a) not a responsible enough activist or b) that raging bitch who is always criticising eevryone's actions.
Often enough, I feel like people already know what I'm going to say before I say it. Conversations will happen like this:
Friend: "Oh, I know how Kim feels about this, but ohmigod did you see that movie?"
Kim: "..."
In that case I figure, they don't want me to tell them how vile I think whatever cultural thinger is they are about to talk about is.
I almost always speak up about feministy stuff if I specifically think that someone hasn't thought about the implications of what they are saying/doing. But most people I know kind of have. I have a friend who has said on numerous occasions she wants to get a boob job. This is a person who created a community mocking feminism. I don't need to explain to them my thoughts on the issue; they've already thought about it and rejected the criticisms. There's nothing to say there.