grrrrrrrrrr.

[keryx]

I got some email invite to a party for dancers that reminded me of how frustratingly heterosexist and just plain sexist the world tends to be. It was "just" one little line in the email that did this - it added to the "belly dancers only" caveat to take the night off, and leave your husbands, boyfriends, and kids at home! (that's a quote).

Because:
1. On a Saturday night, what I need to take the night off from is my familial responsibilities, right? Like IT'S MY JOB TO BABYSIT MY FAMILY?
2. And of course I'll only have a husband/boyfriend. I couldn't possibly have a girlfriend or wife. What if I were a dude? Can male dancers bring their wives, but not their boyfriends?

I know, I know... I'm waaaaaay overanalyzing this, and I was in a pretty Angry At World mood anyhow. BUT. I also think about my troupemates putting together our flyer for another event and the fact that we actually gave thought to the way we worded a gendered statement. Or my gender-non-specific company's partner/parent benefits statements. It's NOT THAT FUCKING HARD, people. So the explanation isn't laziness, it's [tacit, I hope] acceptance of a sexist/heterosexist paradigm.

[Psssst... should I bother to send a polite email back to this person pointing this out, or am I being the Raging Feminist Oppressor again and thus need to shut my mouth?]

Comments

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

i think you should totally politely point it out.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

thanks - you're always a good judge of when speaking up is useful and when it'll just be perceived as being an asshat. i'll do that.

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

i mean really, if you just tell them nicely, how can they call you the evil feminist oppressor? and if they do, how really bad are you going to feel, or are you just going to feel better saying "well fuck you guys then"? :)

i think i have become better at gauging this, previous policy was always "speak up always at all times".

[keryx.livejournal.com]

my policy is generally 'speak up at all times'. i feel self-righteously obliged. but i like the validation that i'm not being an asshat.

[catchstars.livejournal.com]

Definitely point it out. I mean, how hard is it to switch husbands/boyfriends to partners?

[crafting-change.livejournal.com]

. It's NOT THAT FUCKING HARD, people. So the explanation isn't laziness, it's [tacit, I hope] acceptance of a sexist/heterosexist paradigm.

Thank you!
Thats the thing.... the ad is trying to be cute, but the assumptions it makes would automatically put some folks off just because of the assumptions. Making an effort to be more inclusive isn't hard at all.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

I get the feeling that most people just never step out of their bubbles. Like the woman who sent this has probably never considered that there are lesbian, male and trans dancers and irascible feminists who'd be put off by that kind of talk. Which is sad.

[crafting-change.livejournal.com]

get the feeling that most people just never step out of their bubbles. Like the woman who sent this has probably never considered that there are lesbian, male and trans dancers and irascible feminists who'd be put off by that kind of talk. Which is sad.
it is really sad, and that is the problem with the use of language on flyers and such...it can automatically put people off.
And I really fight with the idea that it is the job of the marginalized to educate the masses...but then you get into the 'if we don't do it, who will'.
I agree with snidegrrl it might be good to mention the problems with the advert. Sometimes a person has no idea they are in a bubble. It could be your gentle nudge that makes them open up to a whole new worldview

[keryx.livejournal.com]

I try the 2-step approach of 1. bitch on LJ or to friends, followed by 2. politely as possible, tell the person in question they're being an idiot. For me, 1 enables the "politely" part of 2.

Because it IS a big deal and it would be SO EFFING EASY to correct, although I'm pretty sure the recipient of my polite email doesn't see it that way.

[puzzlement.livejournal.com]

Suck. I find this kind of stuff annoying enough when targetted at men (computing gaming magazines have a lot of "Blah Shooting Game IV is your girlfriend's worst nightmare and your best friend: no time for conversation for weeks!" guff in them).

[examorata.livejournal.com]

I think saying something tactfully is definitely the way to go.

One of the things I really liked about the old Curves I went to when I lived in Laurel (not wanting to reopen the Curves debate, merely a positive example of language use) was how open and accepting of non-mainstream lifestyles they were. When they had open houses and things for members they always specified "partners" and the openly lesbian members were definitely always included in things. It was just a nice touch. I think helping these folks have their messages be that much more welcoming is a good thing.