those who were seen dancing

Gosh, I don't know why I feel disconnected from my people (especially my local people, but really all of y'all). It's not like I ever tell anyone what's going on with me or anything. Aside from 255 character summaries of what city I'm in and where I'm eating, that is.

Things happened!

For instance, I was in Chicago on a project for a few months. I used to hate Chicago, but I don't after finding dance classes and various forms of art and entertainment I couldn't find anywhere else. It's unlikely I'd move there, but it's a pretty decent town outside of the winters. It does have spectacular condiments. And fireworks every Wednesday night.

That ended abruptly and with some rejoicing on my part.

In the meantime, a certain someone moved first from Hawai'i to southwest VA and shortly after that in with Willie, My Roommate the Cheese Lady & me. I've been told recently that having your boyfriend move in is a reasonably big deal, and might have merited some sort of announcement. It didn't seem like that huge an event. One weekend he left town when I did, and the next he didn't.

I'm currently working in Creve Coeur (which, while French for "broken heart" or "heartbroken", is pronounced Creev Cor), a suburb outside St Louis. This means I spend probably 16 hours a week in planes and airports (mind, I still bill 40). I noticed this past weekend that I spend the majority of my life in two of the situations in which people feel the most entitled, powerless, tired and pouty: namely, organizational change and air travel. It's a problem; I can feel my faith in the basic goodness of people slowly eroding. People - self included - can go through terrible things with great dignity, but so often endure little hardships like exhausted children.

So, travel is wearing on me some - it's the mix of being gone, dealing with people in airports and on planes, and not successfully changing the entire world in the past 6 months. Mostly I'm lonely. It turns out almost everyone I hung out with is quite busy without me, so rather than the problem I expected to have (not having enough time on weekends to do what I want) I have the exact opposite (not having anyone who wants or is able to go play). And, like, all the dance in Richmond happens during the workweek. Harrumph!

I don't mean that I am miserably sad! The part of travel where I am in new places all the time is pretty great. Thanks to the care of My Roommate the Cheese Lady and the aforementioned fantastically useful [not to mention just fantastic, period] boyfriend, the house is constantly getting cozier and happier. My current work is usually more interesting than my old work (sorry, former colleagues - it's just true), and it changes enough that I'm always learning. I've forgotten how to wear high heels. I still see my parents once a month. I get to find and explore new dance stuff most places I go. That sort of thing.

Still. My predominant feeling is a sortof wistful loneliness and disconnection.

Did you know it was possible to be dumped after a single date?

Yes. I think you heard me right. Dumped after a first date. The first of my dates to go quite well shifted direction after the fact, thanks to stuff that isn't mine to tell. I think, in a way, I even got a "Dear John" [Or Jane? Are there "Dear Jane" letters? I assume so.] letter out of it. My first ever.

It sure took me by surprise.

A spectacular surprise.

Wow. I was hurt and angry - cause hi, that's the usual reaction, I think - for about 5 minutes. Maybe 10. Ow. It was hilarious for another 20. Then I sat down to write a response, and what came out was... Understanding. And affection. And a profound sense of wonder at possibilities and the connections that form between people. It's like my best self sat up and wrote for me.

That? Is exactly what this project is for. It's about fear, and as it turns out, it's about love. Just not one and only one kind.

This may sound silly in the morning. It will still be true.

I haven't said much about the results of my asking-50-people-out thing in a bit, have I?

So. I've been writing a little. Here's some of it.
( Where it came from. )

( I made up my own rules. )

Next post I'll tell you more about the first handful of people I asked.

I've made a commitment to attempt to ask 50 people out on first dates. It's part of learning to have fun with the whole dating idea. Anyone tried speed dating locally? Is it worth the expense for the experience?