(no subject)

[keryx]

1. In 1999, Saparmurat Niyazov was declared president-for-life of Turkmenistan. Which country would you like to be declared president-for-life of?

I think it would be delightful to be the grand dictator of the independent nation of Hawai'i. Although, when you think about it, maybe Hawai'ians can take care of themselves, and it's really mainland US folk who need an oppressively leftist dictator. Somewhere wealthy and with lots of pleasant weather, so everyone could live outdoors & without houses if they wanted.


2. President Saparmurat Niyazov placed a 40ft gold-plated statue of himself on top of his palace that rotates to follow the sun. What will the statue on top of your palace look like, and what will it do?

What's the word for those little figures that you crank, and then they move around and stuff? I want one of those, but some sort of blindingly shiny metal. And it should dance. Actually, I think there should be several hundred, and I'd climb out on the roof each day and pick out which world art form would be represented by a shiny dancing figure. And there'd be cranks stationed around my fiefdom.


3. When President Saparmurat Niyazov gave up smoking, he banned everyone else from smoking in public as well. Which of your personal foibles will you require your entire population to emulate?

I might require people to not forbid other people from doing anything short of killing/maiming others. Or require pineapple at every meal, particularly if I'm the dictator of independent Hawai'i. Oh, and then I'd annex and colonize Dole and turn it into homes for people or animals without same. Wonder how they'd feel about that?


4. President Saparmurat Niyazov expects his citizens to take spiritual guidance from his book of observations. Which book will you expect your citizens to take guidance from?

They must all read every really good non-fiction book I've read in the past 10 years.


5. President Saparmurat Niyazov renamed the months of the year, with one named for himself and one for his mother. What will you call the months of the year in your country? (For preference, name one for yourself and one for your mother.)

I'm renaming "Rachel" back to "April", dammit. And then I think I'll just make it one long month. Or abolish the year as a construct. We'll just have days, and they'll all be called "April".


6. President Saparmurat Niyazov has named many other things after himself as well, including airports, schools, a city, and even an asteroid. Pick three things to name after yourself. One must be a city, and one must be a natural landmark or celestial body that you have absolutely no claim to.

I'd rename many celestial bodies after ordinary people. Like, the star "Mike" and "Helen". I find that greatly amusing. And some days I'd call myself Mike or Helen, depending on my mood.


7. President Saparmurat Niyazov has banned opera, ballet and recorded music. What types of music, theatre and entertainment will you outlaw?

All remakes of old musical comedies, except Cabaret. Everything else is fine, except for that godawful fusion music that stoner bands play in 3rd rate bar/cafes. Let's outlaw 3rd rate bar/cafes!


8. President Saparmurat Niyazov likes to write poems and read them to his citizens on national television. ("Let your cream boil over always, never feel the lack of it.") What self-indulgent purpose will you put your national broadcasting corporation to?

There's a strong need for all-fat television. Did I ever tell you about my idea for a show called "John Goodman's Bootay"?


9. President Saparmurat Niyazov has banned young men from growing their hair long or having beards, and he's banned gold teeth. What aspects of fashion, grooming or cosmetics will you stamp out (or enforce) in your country?

I feel kinda bad about this, but I'd like people to bathe daily. Or someone could just invent some sort of non-toxic spray-on drug that would keep people from smelling when they're dirty.


10. President Saparmurat Niyazov has ordered the construction of a giant ice palace in the middle of the desert. What unfeasible construction project will you order your citizens to undertake?

I want a pleasantly fruit-scented building material. So it's less a construction project than a chemical or bio-engineering one. And maybe a variety of other fragrances might be used. But they have to all be pleasing and hypoallergenic.

Comments

[libskrat]

7. President Saparmurat Niyazov has banned opera, ballet and recorded music. What types of music, theatre and entertainment will you outlaw?

All remakes of old musical comedies, except Cabaret. Everything else is fine, except for that godawful fusion music that stoner bands play in 3rd rate bar/cafes. Let's outlaw 3rd rate bar/cafes!

I am SO TOTALLY REBELLING now.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

What, you're a big fan of third rate bar/cafes and fusion jams? Off with your head!

[libskrat]

Naw. I just love me some Broadway, remakes or no.

[ex-lexydee113.livejournal.com]

damn, that's one kickass meme!

[rackletang.livejournal.com]

:P