fat etiquette?

So, firecat posted about this old Fat Girl Breakdown article "fat etiquette for the non-fat". As always, her comments raise the level of the thing she comments upon. But read both.

On one level I like the idea of guidelines for allies. On another level, though, I loathe the very concept. I have a problem talking about a lot of the things cited as needs for "fat etiquette" as being fat-specific, really. Anyone might not be comfortable walking fast or in a certain position for whatever reason that isn't glaringly visible to you. It's good etiquette in general to create an environment where people know it's okay to ask for what they need, where you don't assume everyone will just blend in. That feels, to me, better than trying to make a judgement about what someone will need based off one fact of their appearance.

But maybe the problem with that is people in general aren't comfortable making demands in areas where they aren't "normal" - we like to "fit". So telling people what they need to do to make sure other people feel they fit okay... um, okay. I guess we might need that.

There was a good example of a need for this etiquette at a work event recently - we played a game that involved everyone putting on an item of clothing and taking it back off. Really, this is an activity that could make a lot of people uncomfortable for various reasons, but I think it was probably most obviously weird for people who were much smaller or larger than the object. And it could have been eliminated entirely, if the people who arranged the game had thought of size and comfort - if they had read the fat etiquette rules.

The "don't say you're fat if you're not" thing, that intrigues me. Is it actually about body dysmorphia? Or is it that people use "fat" to mean they feel "bad"?