hand holding

[keryx]

Is there a point in time when we suddenly shift in how we think about hand holding?

Little kids hold people's hands all the time. I think they actually get that it's a gesture of simple affection, connection to a person, comfort, not-alone-ness (sure they may not articulate it, cause they're ya know - four, but I think they get it). When do people stop doing that?

I guess that at some point all of us "grow up" into seeing most affection as the domain of romance. I for one miss holding my friends' hands without complication and doing that arm-swingy thing that means I am just so happy to be here with you. We might all be happier people if we could express how we felt about other humans that way instead of having to construct words around it and put them at a physical distance.

Yeah.

I think we should reclaim hand holding for friendship and affection in general.

Comments

[fooltheworld.livejournal.com]

My four-year-old holds hands with his friend Donte all the time. So sweet! I remember very distinctly as a girl, holding a friend's hand and some older girls called us "lezzies." I had no idea what that meant at the time but I gleaned that it must be bad and I am fairly sure my innocent hand holding probably stopped after that. :/

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

in a lot of cultures, friends never stop holding hands even after they grow into adults. it's a shame ours has stopped. i hold hands with some of my friends... but not all...

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

K still holds my hand as we travel to the office in the morning and when we are out walking to lunch. My mom and I hold hands sometimes, but not all the time because she likes to swing her arms at a different rhythm.

I am with you on the march to reclaim holding hands!

[revolution724.livejournal.com]

I agree with the hand-holding, and would like to extend it to other forms of non-sexual physical affection, like [i]holding[/i], period, and pecks on the cheek. There are some cultures that are much more comfortable with touch; I think our American stand-offishness relates very strongly to the junior-high view our culture takes of sexuality. God forbid you should touch anyone you don't want to sleep with, because it means, somehow, that you [i]do[/i] want to sleep with them. Or something.

[petite-tadpole.livejournal.com]

I agree whole heartedly! I spent a lot of my life not touching anyone, hardly even hugs, for that reason. I'v gotten over it, though.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

I'd imagine writing from the historical & child-development perspective on hand-holding would be complex & quite interesting.

I do more of a shoulder-to-shoulder thing, and grab people around the waist & stuff. I'm pretty affectionate with certain groups, but I don't generally hold hands.

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

I am so working on this with my friends who are amenable to the sentiment. I am so with you. And I'm really bad at it; I curl up into myself more often than not, physically.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

Hey, we'll have to hold hands next time we're having a great time walking through DC. :)

And I hear ya about retreating into yourself; I do that, too, I think out of fear of people not wanting to share the affection.

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

I think my affection problems started when I came out as bi, I was constantly terrified that straight women would be scared of me or feel assaulted or something. They got worse as I came to be friends with people who were more reserved than my camarilla buddies. I want to reverse this trend!

[keryx.livejournal.com]

I think I'm starting to reverse the trend because my dance troupe is extremely affectionate (er, in a lot of ways). But that's a good point - sometimes even just hearing that I like girls makes straight women think I'm hitting on them.

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

sometimes even just hearing that I like girls makes straight women think I'm hitting on them.

I do try to be understanding. And sometimes I *was* hitting on them, but when I was it was usually with words. When I touch people it's almost always out of a need to just show that I appreciate them.

You know, when I actually touch them and I'm not busy being terrified they will recoil in horror.

As a result of all this, I am often wooden, tense, and seem insincere, when all of those things are the LAST things I want. :(

[examorata.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I didn't even hand-hold as a child. Hands are clammy! Also my family took physical affection to British heights of standoffishness. I couldn't WAIT 'til I didn't have to hold anyone's hand when I crossed the street, not just 'cause every kid loves the freedom, but because...ew, clammy!

(I know not all hands are clammy. But I'm really not a casual touch person. It's amazing to me that I can link hands in church during the Lord's Prayer every week.)

[tupelo.livejournal.com]

Everybody does it in China. It became kind of "vogue" for our group of foreign students, which was uncomfortable for me because I just don't like to be touched (Tad calls me a "prickly pear" and hugs me just to watch me squirm). But yeah, grown men, women, all kinds of folks, just holdin' hands going down the street in China.

[volondoinyaface.livejournal.com]

So you know, I am fully capable of hand holding and general snuggling with my friends, and completely indulge in it whenever possible.

As I think you also know, this is an earned privilege, but you totally have. Just sayin'.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

Yay! I feel honored. Really.

[arovd.livejournal.com]

i totally LOVE platonic snuggling. I think it's actually the sexual snuggling i have more trouble with. hmmm...

[peggynature.livejournal.com]

Me too (and three.) I think it's disturbing that, when we become adults in this culture, physical affection is almost exclusively reserved for romantic/sexual relationships.

In high school, I sometimes would walk arm-in-arm with other girls or with my mom, and I loved that. It just felt right.