i have been changed for good

[keryx]

I called The Ex yesterday to wish him happiness with the whole getting married thing. As I hung up I said "I love you" without even thinking about it. And you know, I totally meant it. You know, in the sense that love is a verb and a choice; I want his life to be happy and challenging and full.

This is, for me, the magic of singleness. I don't know if I was too young, too afraid, too dead or what - but I really didn't get this idea of love, especially not in the little ways people change you. And now I'm all adobe car, bumped and reshaped by the people and things that I run into. I probably was before, too - just didn't know enough to be glad of it.

I can't really put into words why I'm still so much more absorbed by the events of Pennsic than by the events of my life here now this week, but it's there somewhere in a sense of love/loved from the soles of my feet to somewhere just beyond my head.

Comments

[tartedelune.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful. I appreciate reading it all the more with my love currently being across an ocean.

Do you mind if I quote part of it in my own journal?

[keryx.livejournal.com]

Sure, you're welcome to use it. I'm still not sure it even approximates what I'm trying to think about the world, but if it says something to you... good.

[mellowtomysoul.livejournal.com]

woah, maybe i missed something, the ex is getting married?!

anyway, i think what you wrote was beautiful and i'm really so happy you are "there".

[keryx.livejournal.com]

Yep, he's getting married. And they're happy, so I'm happy.