how would i be, indeed?

[keryx]

The possibly positive impact of my current work situation (summarizable as ARGH) and a conversation I had with the SSWB at lunch today have me thinking a lot about what I want to be when I grow up.

And you know what? I don't know. Nor do I even remember what it was like to have a plan, to be a long-term-planning kinda person. This is really odd for me. A lot of you haven't known me since my deeply planful days, but some of you can remember.

So I wonder about y'all.
[Poll #955225]
Bonus question... what do you want to do when you grow up?

Comments

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

Bonus question... what do you want to do when you grow up?

Ask me again when I'm not in a mood.

[noralita.livejournal.com]

I'm thinkin, no matter what you plan, life throws you curve balls that completely screw with you. Have a general plan for success by really examining what's most important to you (kindness, love, dance, money, travel, kids, freedom, world peace, keeping the wolf from the door, etc etc etc), and exist with the vision in mind to work toward those every day, and not to betray them or yourself by demeaning their worth in the face of something/one else 'important'. And if something/one else becomes more important, give yourself the blessing to accept a change of plan & move on with or instead of.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

I've been giving myself a pass on having a long-ranging plan, period. For a year or two now. I think I'm old enough now that I know what is and isn't right with what I value, almost intuitively, and it's kinda cool to just do that.

For now. I assume I'll eventually be mad-planful again.

Are you still coming to Richmond?

[crafting-change.livejournal.com]

I was totally going to be a famous ballerina living somewhere exotic.

[drownophelia.livejournal.com]

i wanted to be CEO of kid'z fun, a hawaiian-island sized resort, half for kids, half for adults. but, i think i liked talking about it a lot more than i knew what went into it. so i decided against that in my tweens, and didn't have a clear picture again for a while. and, even now, the picture for the future is changing, and rather uncertain. but exciting.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

I had a point at which I was positively definitely going to be a theatre administrator and run some company. And um, i sorta tried that... and it sucked.

[peregrin8.livejournal.com]

I still want a book tour, and to be part of the next Algonquin Roundtable-type literati in-group, but I will not be so upset if that doesn't happen. As for my child selves... they wanted me to be an astronaut, a bank robber, and a marine biologist who talks with dolphins, but I don't actually think I'd like all the busywork and possible jail time.

What I want to be:

[steamedwords.livejournal.com]

I don't know, but I know I don't want to be an admin/ office worker bee forever. It makes me feel so dumb. I am not detail oriented at all, and that is a problem.

I would actually like to be a student again. When I was a student, I thought I wanted to get out into the world and start working. However, when I was in school I felt like I was good at what I did.

I have always wanted to be a parent, but I've never found anyone who wanted to do that with me. I suppose I could have kids on my own, but I sure would be less daunted if I had someone who was at least along for the ride.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

My plans were different 5 years ago than 10 years ago. 10 years ago I was still in college, and I was not dating anyone. My plan for my career was to be a novelist, but I was beginning to suspect that I might actually need a real job too, so my backup plan was to be anything I could be with an English major that would pay the bills and wouldn't cause me to hate myself. My plan for my personal life was to marry someone of either gender and, if the person turned out to be male, probably have kids (although I feared even then that I would never actually find anyone to marry at all).

5 years ago I had a dead-end editorial job where everyone hated me, and I was not dating anyone. My hope career-wise was to obtain a better-paying job, but that didn't seem very likely to happen at all, since I didn't have enough faith in my ability to obtain one to even summon the energy to apply for any. My hope for my personal life was still the same as 10 years ago, except that I was feeling less hopeful than ever about it, and beginning to resign myself to permanent singlehood instead.

Career-wise, I'm currently much better off than I had any sane reason to hope for 5 years ago. So I'm very happy in that respect. I still want to be a novelist, but I also feel very satisfied for the moment with the career I do have. Relationship-wise, well, I've managed to have some actual good sex for a change, and one relationship that didn't totally die off quite as quickly as the previous ones had. But since both the people I had the good sex with are gone from my life now (and good riddance to them both, because they weren't good enough at some important things other than sex), I currently don't feel that my personal life has improved any - even though it sort of has in the sense that I've had better past experiences now. I just feel an ever-increasing certainty that I will remain single forever. And possibly a very, very slight increased acceptance of that as being not such a bad fate after all - but the increase on that front is very slight for the moment, and needs to increase a lot more before it will make much difference to me.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

Did I tell you about buying the double bed, and how that means I'll be single forever?

Anyhow, if I am going to be single forever, I hope I do it with the thought and consideration you do. I think it'd be ok to be single and perceptive.

[divinerose.livejournal.com]

Bonus question... what do you want to do when you grow up?

I couldn't think of anything job specific....

But I want to be happy. I want to have a good job that I at least mostly enjoy, that pays me enough money to live comfortably and be able to afford random side trips and events. I want to really live and enjoy life when I grow up.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a good plan. I think in some ways being a yuppie enables me to do that, but I worry that it prevents me from making more adventurous decisions. And I might like them. But I might HATE them, and what if I gave up yuppie comfort for something awful?

[libskrat]

I wanted to be an astronomer when I was a kid, and it really annoyed me when people thought I meant "astronaut." I didn't mean astronaut. I meant astronomer, dammit, and I knew the difference!

I didn't imagine myself coupled until high school, when I actually was (however briefly). I never imagined kids -- I mean, never. So I guess in that sense, my kid-instincts were right on, more than I usually give them credit for.

Libraries? I never went to the public library as a kid. I got used to academic libraries young. But Lord knows I never knew what librarians did, or even that there were librarians. I guess I thought that all the call numbers just grew there...

I was gonna be a professor, I was. We all know how that turned out. And we all know it's just as well. Better, in fact.

When I grow up, I'm probably going to be a library administrator in charge of digital projects.

In counterpoint to the single person above, one of the things I'd like when I grow up is to be in a marriage that doesn't suck. Which, unfortunately, is not describing my marriage right now. My marriage doesn't suck in a "get me OUTTA here!" kind of way, but... yes, it does suck. And this is bad.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

What is a marriage that doesn't suck? I ask in all seriousness, having never been in one of any kind.

[libskrat]

Right now, it'd be a marriage in which both parties respect each other. I am having serious trouble finding respect for my spouse, and it colors... well, rather a lot, really.

[bookgrrrl.livejournal.com]

When I was a wee one I wanted to be an astronaut. Then the Challenger exploded, so I wanted to write the Great American Novel.

Now? Now I wanna be an archaeologist and part of a coffeehouse collective and a totally rad momma. I'm well on my way to the first part. The rest? Time will tell.

[suzy-hendrix.livejournal.com]

I think I'll have to check my livejournal entries from 5 years ago to be sure my answers are right (how freaky is it that I can do that??)

When I was really really little, I wanted to be a "dress designer." In elementary school, even preschool, I drew dresses all the time. And I replayed the parts in disney movies where dresses were being made (cinderella, sleeping beauty).

Then I decided that fashion design is shallow and lame and unimportant so I was going to be a doctor, a forensic scientist, and an astronomer (I really really liked geology/astronomy class) Then I fucked up at school and took a year off to go to the coffee shop every day.

I have ideas about how I want my professional life to go in the next 5 years, but it completely clashes with what I want for my personal life.

So... Not that I digressed or anything... What I want to be when I grow up... besides not wanting to be a grown up, is to be designing in New York, probably for someone else and doing my own thing on the side, like an online store. I would also like to be married and starting a family while also being primary breadwinner in the house.

[cutegaychick.livejournal.com]

When I was little, I wanted to be a rock star. Or a princess. Preferably a princess rock star. But I always figured I'd get married and have kids.
Until I was in high school. Then I was going to move to New York City and write for an underground Communist newspaper.
But even in the middle of my junkie days, there was no doubt in my mind that I'd end up married with kids at some point. It wasn't what I *wanted* to do, it was just what I figured I'd end up doing. I've just got that mate-for-life and settle down personality type.
But I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. When I filled out my college application, there was a blank where you had to fill in your major. Not knowing that you could leave that blank, I wrote in "journalism" because I could write well and that was the first thing that came to mind. Then it never occurred to me to change majors, despite my hatred of journalism school. So I got a degree. And a job at a newspaper. And then another job at a newspaper. And then another and another. And here I am.
I did want to be a war correspondent. That was and still is my dream job (just slightly below princess rock star). But it's a job for single people and I haven't been single for 24 hours since I was 18 so I don't see that happening. My mate-for-life tendencies always seem to outrank my look-for-death-and-destruction-and-adrenaline-rushes tendencies every time.

[arovd.livejournal.com]

"well, i'm not a lion-training firefighter who dances in the ballet, lives in the congo, has purple ponies, and lives in a shack, a mansion, and a condo in miami... so, no"

i want to be a yogic tribal bellydancing mama, with health insurance... and a purple pony.

Hm.

[sheana.livejournal.com]

You know, it's funny. When I was a little kid, I knew what the life plan was: grow up, get a PhD in English lit, publish like crazy and become a writer, and somewhere along the way find the love of my life and become, you know, an adult.

When I was in high school, the plan was pretty much the same, except that the love of my life became a brilliant, funny, surprising, socially aware woman. And I planned to be a total playa when I first got to college, but to settle down shortly thereafter.

When I got to my undergrad, I found the woman and realized that, more than anything, I wanted to be able to teach radical stuff as a professor one day with my PhD. For the first, erm, three and a half years of college I planned to teach radical Russian literature. Then, at the end of Smith, I thought... what the hell? Maybe I can teach radical feminist and body stuff.

So I dunno. Now I'm in my MA program, pretty much guaranteed to get into a PhD somewhere, and I think I'm in a good position to be teaching my own course next year on radical (feminist) concepts. Which, when I think about it, is kind of eerily close to what I had planned when I was a little kid - in a grad program, teaching at a university, found the love of my life... It's freaky, man. Especially when sometimes I think how lost I am and how I've totally failed at all my plans, but now that I look at it in the big retrospective, things all sort of came together as I wanted them to. Weird.

Thanks for this post. It got me thinking. :)

Re: Hm.

[keryx.livejournal.com]

That's pretty cool. It's weird for me that I've been this extraordinarily planful person in the past, but my life is nothing like any of those plans now. And yet, if I think in the short term, everything I want has always always fallen right into place.

Maybe I'm not meant to have a plan. Or maybe the plan is simply bigger than I can perceive.

[swartzdk.livejournal.com]

What do I want to be when I grow up?? I don't want to ever grow up!!!!