(no subject)

[keryx]

I am a little dazed and cranky today because we went to see Finding Neverland at like 11 last night.

I wish every parent and teacher would go see that movie and get what I got from that. That fantasy is important and useful, but it has to be acknowledged and shared. That you don't preserve or protect innocence by lying to kids or keeping them from reality. I felt really betrayed by the whole Santa thing, even. Didn't most kids? So why grow up and do it again? Why do it with abstinence-focused sex ed?

Ironically, I'm becoming more convinced that I might like having kid(s) the more I realize how stupidly many people who have or are responsible for kids think about them, as these icons of innocence. [Y'all parents and teachers on my f-list, this is not you I'm talking about; you're part of the solution.] I think I've come to recognize that the problem isn't kids, but parents and schooling, that we don't interact with kidlets as people.

This is probably going to work itself into a much longer blog post later. In the meantime, I'm curious how you think of children's "innocence" and protecting them from information.

Comments

Innocence

[mtfierce.livejournal.com]

I think it's a major mistake to confuse it with ignorance.

I've always been honest to my younger sisters and child(ren). Sometimes the honesty is, "You may not understand this yet, but..." and sometimes it's, "I think this, but other people think differently." It's also learning to figure out when they're looking for a specific answer: my job as parent/mentor/whatnot may not be to teach them everything, but to help give them tools to handle the answers. Even when _I_ don't like them...

[libskrat]

I think there's a lot to be said for not scaring a kid. I spent years huddled in the dark terrified because of a hurricanes/tornadoes video shown to my third-grade class. Definitely too much too soon.

But I would think that watching and listening to the kid would give pretty good signs of that kind of overload.

[ivyblogs.livejournal.com]

Little kids need to talk about death. I didn't really learn to be open about it with young kids until my second child. Americans are so uptight about death. We like to pretend it only happens to other people. That makes it really hard to talk to our children about it.

[geniealisa.livejournal.com]

One thing I found rewarding at a school like NA is that the teachers and staff treated the students like human beings. Some of my previous experiences in schools were that the kids were treated like lesser citizens (not trusted, not rationalized with, etc.). I think you would make a great parent.

I also remember that the Christmas that there was no Santa anymore, I was deeply hurt and confused. But I was the youngest by many years so that might have had something to do with it.

[rackletang.livejournal.com]

I don't think that kids should be protected from information. Really, at all. I think there are ways to ease them into difficult ideas and complex concepts, and I think a lot of people don't want to take the time to do that.

But then, I'm a childfree idealist who was the worst student ever, despite a giant pulsating brain. *shrug*

[zorah.livejournal.com]

Children tell you what they need to know and when they need to know it, and in how much detail if you listen to them.

When The Kid asks questions I answer honestly, but with a minimum of details.

Real life example: Kid - "What is prostitution?" zorah - "It's when a person has sex with another person for money."

If he needs more info, he'll ask

Example: Kid - "Why would someone do that?" zorah - "Well, people need money to live, to feed their kids. Sometimes they feel that this is the best way they can make what they need to survive and do what they need to do."

He walks off to chew on that for a bit. Later he asks about how many men versus women are prostitutes, what kind of men go to prostitutes, how much money prostitutes make, etc...

I do think that presenting information about things kids are not ready for can be damaging. I remember being thouroughly disturbed and nauseated by R. Crumb comix my brother left around as a child. Had I seen them as a teen, I probably would have been able to process them better, but I wan't ready. Likewise kids exposed to the reality of sex too early (like through molestation) often act out in destructive ways in an attempt to process and normalize the information.

It comes down to listening to the child and following their lead, they become naturally curious about things as they are developmentally ready. Refusing to satisfy that curiousity honestly is just as damaging as forcing a childinto a too-early awareness of things.

[fooltheworld.livejournal.com]

I have to fess up to doing the Santa thing. But I've told my husband that the first time my son asks me for the truth he gets it. I know we shouldn't have done it but well, sentimentality and peer pressure got the better of me. Please don't hate me, LOL.

As for protecting kids I really don't. I can't think of anything B has asked that I wouldn't answer as honestly and age appropriately as possible. I have a friend who won't cry in front of her kids. I don't think it's good at all to convey to them that something terrible has happened but you shouldn't cry over it?!