what is attraction?

[keryx]

What do you think attracts one person to another? Does it have (for good or evil) a connection to gender?

Really rather awhile ago, I told an author that I thought his paradigm [Women are attracted to power (in any form, I mean, I suppose intelligence could be conceived of as power) while men are attracted to beauty (in any form, which means ironically that intelligence could also be conceived of as beauty)] didn't apply very consistently to people. And was, further, basically bunk when you consider a broader concept of gender and attraction than woman + man.

He asked me to educate him about what kind of universal paradigm might be true for the queer/feminist worlds, and I never really got to it, because I don't have an answer. I'm not sure there is one paradigm. Ya know? But I tend towards relativism. Do you think there's a universal paradigm of attraction? What's yours? What are you attracted to, if you boil down most of your attractions to a word or two?

Comments

[peregrin8.livejournal.com]

no universal paradigm, not even for my own attractions

[peregrin8.livejournal.com]

...and I think the author's theory is so reductionist and stereotyping that it insults absolutely everyone.

[snidegrrl.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think there's one paradigm. I only think it's connected to gender in the sense that society trains it that way. I wonder how an anthropologist would answer your question - how the trends work across time, cultures, and natural boundaries. Currently in western culture I think we have a great deal of psychological freedom in our attractions but paradoxically it doesn't seem like nearly enough.

[ehrgeiziges.livejournal.com]

Take this as the viewpoint of an outsider (and thereby with a grain of salt)... But I was of the impression that queer/feminist pairings were conceived of the notion that two persons transcend the short sights of Power and/or Beauty and chose to marry for compatibility's sake.

...Have you heard of a gay divorce yet (at least from wherever gay marriage is legal)? :)

[mellowtomysoul.livejournal.com]

"...Have you heard of a gay divorce yet (at least from wherever gay marriage is legal)? :)"

i have... i dont get it? are you saying that doesn't exsist cause queers are so good at picking partners?

[ehrgeiziges.livejournal.com]

I'm saying that I personally have not heard of any gay divorces... Which is not to say that it doesn't happen... But are the figures for gay divorce comparable to the divorce rate between a man and a woman?

[mellowtomysoul.livejournal.com]

are you part of the queer/gay community? (i am not being a jerk when i say this, i just dont know you so i dont know yr expierence in the community).

just cause i have many friends who consider themselves to have been though gay divorce. i also think that if gays could get married their divorce rates would be just as high as hetero's. i think that many of my friends who are single now or out of a serious relashionship that lasted years would have gotten married if it was an option for them and then would have gotten divorced. i also think that the fact that gays cant reproduce within their relashionships without some kinda outside help has a huge impact on how long a relashionship lasts. i do not under any circumstances think that gays are better at picking partners then hetero's.

i know that i just blabbed on and on so sorry about that!

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I'm attracted to smarts. Not intellectual smarts necessarily, but a critical sharpness, a skepticism about the world and an awareness of its contradictions. Plus a distrust of authority and received wisdom in any form.

I also apparently like former soccer defenders, but that's another story.

[zhenzhi.livejournal.com]

more than two words... lol!
intelligence, humour, honour.....
whilst it may be true about the power thing, i think it is only true of the initial attraction. no amount of power can disguise a bad/not nice person. :-/

[cutegaychick.livejournal.com]

I'm attracted to strength and intelligence but it's very different types of strength and intelligence in each specific person. The only other thing that comes to mind is that I'm attracted to edgy people -- people with really bizarre quirks or people with something trait that is just outside the bounds of what is socially/legally/morally acceptable. Doesn't matter so much what that edge is -- it just seems to be a prerequisite to attraction for me. If I lined up the last 20 people I've been involved with, I'd have a very hard time finding any other common thread between any two of them, let alone between all 20 of them.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

I don't think there is a universal paradigm. For my own attractions, "resemblance to myself" generally covers it," but "possession of traits that I wish I had even though I don't actually have them" is sometimes also involved.

[miffyness.livejournal.com]

yeah, 'resemblance to myself' is a big one (in spite of being straight).

[arovd.livejournal.com]

1) scent
2) vibe
3) presence

ironically, scent is usually the last thing I get around to discovering (because you have to get close to someone in order to smell them - and I'm talking about intimate, personal, actual scent, not perfume or shampoo), but it's a "make or break" component as far as attraction goes.

[boyfunk.livejournal.com]

Honestly it takes a while for me to be attracted to someone and attraction is such a slippery term. Do you mean attraction that is purely sexual (e.g., lust), attraction that is more asexual (e.g., admiration), attraction that endures and encompasses aspects of the first two forms I mentioned (e.g., love or prolonged infatuation), or something else entirely? If we are working with the third option, love attraction, I'd say thoughtfulness is the most important thing to me, which could be someone who floors me intellectually, someone who exhibits unique kindness or empathy to me or the people around them more generally, someone who cares about how I feel emotionally and physically, and especially someone who exhibites thoughtful behavior in all these realms. I realize it's a wishy-washy answer, but it's sort of a vague/wishy-washy question.