activist in one sphere doesn't mean activist in another

[keryx]

One of the lists I belong to is DTMWSIB, which is essentially a size acceptance group with a focus on fashion. There is, however, a fair amount of self-congratulatory supportive posting going on at any time (basically, the "you go, girl!" think). It's generally sweet and positive and friendly and I can't really fault it, even if it talks a lot about boys and modelling and beauty - part of size acceptance is being able to see yourself as beautiful, which often means conventional means of gaining appearance-based approval.

However. Today I read this in one of the posts:
"Eventually a guy will come along and make you feel so unbelievably beautiful...and by then, hopefully you'll know yourself that you are."

I think my boyfriend can attest to the fact that it's virtually impossible for someone else's attraction to you to make you believe yourself attractive. But that is not the source of my annoyance. My annoyance is that, once again, the size acceptance folk are showing that fat isn't actually a feminist issue. That is, you are assumed to be content with your size if and when a man loves you for and/or despite it. Sure, you might get there before you feel the love of a good man, but he'll cement it for you.

Ew. Part of my issue is the tone, too. Eh.

Maybe what I inferred from that clip isn't what was intended. And hey, I know that this particular group is diverse enough to include some people who just Do Not Think The Way I Do - I've talk about that before, actually. But it still disppoints me that all the things I believe are so closely aligned aren't connected in others' minds, too.

[cross-posted to blog after it got edited to be all long and stuff]

Comments

[kerriana.livejournal.com]

It's sad, but predictable when the messages being plastered everywhere beg for women to have their entire lives directed at obtaining a man and getting their validation from men.

It's just dangerous to have that much of one's self esteem wrapped up in a man, because say Mary finds one who tells her how beautiful she is. Great. But then what happens if he is manipulative or abusive? Mary might stay because he is giving her approval that she isn't getting anywhere else.

I might take a peek at this list. Hopefully the overwhelming majority of people there are not stuck on that idea.

[originalenid.livejournal.com]

Man, that’s incredibly annoying. Yeah, please, I need a male to inform me of my beauty, then and only then will I know I am beautiful! You know, I don't think it's the "size acceptance" community perse... maybe just this predominantly heterosexual or wishy washy feminist faction (not to knock heterosexuals, or to imply that all hets are not feminist. I am a het too. heh.). I run in the fat activist community here in the bay area and it’s made up of mostly women who were hard core feminist first and then figured out that fat hatred was a form of oppression akin to sexism or racism. There are enough queers in our group to dispel any “just find that special someone of the opposite sex, and the rest will come naturally!” kind of theories. Also, the online size acceptance communities I’m in were also firmly based on the feminist and civil rights movements. Although, those wishy washy type of groups may be in the majority on the web. For instance, even if someone is not comfortable with the word fat, and encourages weight loss to be “more healthy” and are completely oblivious to the concept of equal rights for all, they can start a board and call it a size acceptance board.

Re:

[libskrat]

May I just say, "great icon!"?

Question about context -- was the person to whom the clippee was replying bemoaning lack of a heterosexual attachment? If so, then the clip becomes a little more understandable. If not, ew ew ew ew ew.

I've been having the opposite problem lately. Gals I depend on to be reliably feminist are all going on diets. Sigh.

Re:

[keryx.livejournal.com]

Le sigh, eh? Yes, the clippee was speaking to someone who was talking already about wanting a man, in the context of a thread that was all about wanting a man. The rest of the thread was similar - like, you just need to find the right beauty trappings to become sexy and appreciated.

Re:

[keryx.livejournal.com]

This particular list is odd - it has a combo of liberal feminists and people who wouldn't know a feminist thought if it bit them in the ass, people who think weighloss surgery can/will/did save their lives and people who think "diet" is an EVIL word; but yes, most of the vocal members are straight or assumed to be. It's a rocking news source, though, which is why I stay on it.

But you're right about the web - I think most groups of any size (i.e. LJ communities) tend to gather people of so many different perspectives that they drift towards the middle.